well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The best revenge is premature balding
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
