Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
