i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
