well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
