i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
