Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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