if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
