So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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