I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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