I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
