So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
