I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
