I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
