So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
