I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
