I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
