The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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