at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
