allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
