Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize