three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wear drunk well.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
