i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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