I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
