That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
