And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
