did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
