I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
