Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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