everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
