I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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