Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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