We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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