i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
