...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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