the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
