Someone shit on the floor
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
