Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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