What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
