Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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