It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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