I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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