There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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