Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize