I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
