4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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