Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
