I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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