So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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