she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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