omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
