It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
