My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
