That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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