Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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