My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
