sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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