somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
