There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
