What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
