Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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