All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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