I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
