i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
