I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
