I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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