You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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