Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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