Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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