This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
