I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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