Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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