I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize