Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
