I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hippo gnu deer
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
